I looked up the meaning of my old lady dream. Several results showed up. The first one said it means 'fear of aging'. Ha!

Five hours later, I turned 29.

Yes, it's my last year before I hit 30. I have to say, the dream may have been correct. No matter how many times I tell people that I would love to be 30 now, I am still afraid of the future. I am afraid of failures. I am afraid of disappointments. I am afraid of heartaches.

When you hit 30, the usual shit you deal with in your 20's becomes irrelevant. You move on to higher forms of shit-to-worry-about. First, your health. Second, your family. Third, your bank account. And the list goes on.

And this is why I am afraid of aging. Which is probably why I hate my birthday. It is the one day in my calendar that I try so hard to ignore. Yesterday, I removed my birthday on Facebook so I won't receive a downpour of greetings especially from people I haven't seen or talked to in years. Still, my REAL friends remembered. (Oh wait, it's still on my Myspace and Friendster. Damn it.)

Earlier, I wanted to come up with the list of my frustrations at 29. That wouldn't be a great way to celebrate a birthday, would it? So I changed my mind and instead, I am going to create a list of things I am thankful for. Because looking back, I realized I fucking did it. I fucking met my timelines. It's time to create new ones. It's time to set higher goals. The next phase should be more exciting.

1. I am thankful for my job. Very few people have been as lucky as I am career-wise. No matter how frustrated I am with some people at work, I still thank God for giving me the opportunity to provide for my family and myself. I told myself that I want to be a boss before 30 and I fucking did it.

2. I am thankful for my family. We have a very strange love-hate relationship (especially my mom) but I love them to death. I really care so much about my family because at the end of the day, they will still be there for you no matter what.

3. I am thankful for having a bestfriend like Ria. We've proven that distance is not an obstacle in maintaining and strengthening a great friendship. I thank God for sending someone who is capable of understanding my quirks, mood swings, frustrations, good humor and relentless singing in the bathroom.

4. I always pictured myself driving a tiny car and now it's a reality.

5. I am thankful that despite my heavier figure, I never run out of food to eat.

Happy Birthday to me.